I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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