i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
