i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
