If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
