Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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