look no pants
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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