how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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