Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
