Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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