I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
