Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
