"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
