WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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