Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
