best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
