just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Randomize
