I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
