Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
