Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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