At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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