look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
