Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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