i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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