At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
