Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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