OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
