i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
