My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
