i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
There's always time for handjobs
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
