that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
