we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
