Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
