There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I can't trust your balls anymore.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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