You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Randomize
