is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
