Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Randomize
