I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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