to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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