What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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