i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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