Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
My cat gives me a boner
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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