There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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