i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
