There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
We had sex on a dog bed..
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
