how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
