I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
