I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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