If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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