All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
