i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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