i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
