i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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