So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
