I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I deserve this hangover.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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