fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
