so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
